SOMEONE WHO KNOCKED THE DOOR AND CLEAR MY MIND
Hi, everyone!
It had been so long since last time I wrote about something.
After all those storm that hit me this year, I finally come back, stronger i guess.
After all those years, i finally decide to re-open my heart again.
After all those insecurities, i finally decide to re-touch my heart again. Yes, i think I'm ready.
Ready to let people knock the door and open the door for them, and let him come in for sure.
I have no time to meet someone in real life, all my circles either already married, not ready to marry yet or maybe have different religion with me. So, i decide to re-open my yellow-dating-apps again.
I used to be play that apps with "fun" purpose, as lonely girls I used to be looked for a great guy to chit - chat but now here i am trying to find the serious one.
I'm playing around, until I met him. Someone who make me finally realize that i need to write it down, my future husband and father for my kids criteria(s). He was a great and high quality one. We spend all night long (yes 6 hours) just to share our flaws and stories. That was a great one, great conversation for me who still afraid to re-open my heart again. All those (finally) healthy communication and relationship that i ever had. Long short story, we finally met as person. That was a great meeting actually, since that was my first time after all. But just he said, not everyone become their "important" thing for other, sometimes its just "passing by" moment. Yes, we are no longer together. I asked God about him and that was God's answer for him. That was the most "NO" moment that completely went well. No cried, no hurt feelings. He made me believe that everything happened for a reason and its okay to met someone just to be their part of their stories.
After him, I deleted and uninstalled my profile on that yellow-dating-apps. And some other night, I finally open my personal folder on my laptop, I brave myself to re-open my
used to be wedding checklist that was buried and been hidden for the
last 2 years. I cried to saw my ex name there, all those memories (best, good or even worst) suddenly showed up. But i blessed everything has been passed. It's been years, Wi. That's all i can said to myself back then.
I see myself knows my worth now, i let myself write down all those "realistic" requirement(s) to be my future husband. Yes, now I'm looking for someone as my husband and a great father for my future kid(s). I write it down carefully with my brightest brain and clear mind. I even wrote what step and the way I want to go through those step(s).
Until one day, i came back to these yellow-dating-apps and write down that i need to find the serious one. Brave myself to unmatched someone who does not met my requirement(s) or suddenly shows their red-flags. Brave myself to asked their fundamental and personal things on the beginning of conversation. Told them that I don't want to waste their time or even mine since I'm 30s and in the middle of "find my true one". Everything great until one day I met him.
The one who what people said "twin flame", the one who has the same energy as mine, same work-load and thousand busy minutes as mine. We matched, we talked only for few days through that apps. He asked me my personal number, but i decided to did not give him as soon as i can but he knows and understand about that. We had a great talked back than, he politely asked me about anything and let me knows about his everything. Someone who makes me think why it never work with anyone before. Someone that suddenly just met almost all that requirement(s). But again, i did something stupid so I lost him. Long short story, i deleted my account (again). I remember i left his chat with my personal phone number. But, i just left without told him a proper reason why. Now, here I am still thinking of him and feels blessed that we had a great time. See you again, I wish.
After i reinstalled and re-register my yellow-dating-apps again and again, I finally found his account but it shows he is no longer open and available on that apps. Great, i lost him literally. But all i remember was his voice said "if we are meant to be we will see each other although we both busy and busier." Thanks God, i still remember his voices and his wise-word. After all, his voices brave me to re-open my heart to other guys that I'm seeing right now.
So, here i am. Waiting for behind the door, waiting someone knock my door ask him with hundred or even thousand question(s). Actually there are few of them, who let themself being asked and questioned by me patiently even his voice still bang in my mind said "choose these man wisely and with your clear mind."
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I don't know who will become my eternal and forever love as husband and father for my future kid(s) but these two man(s) above were made me realize that sometimes loves only is not enough, it needs to courage and clear mind to decide and knows what we want. We also need that realistic one, clear head to decide this or that. Somehow, now i know i need a reason why i choose someone to be my forever shoulder and partner for the rest of my life.
Dear you, thank you for almost everything. See you later, if possible. If we are not going to meet again, i won't be regret everything because you definitely someone who gave me a great lesson. DEFINITELY.
#TiwikBercerita #CelotehTiwik #loveofmylife #datingapp